dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
