Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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