My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
