Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
