well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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