I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
