I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
