Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
