Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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