you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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