sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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