When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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