Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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