I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
