He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
