Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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