I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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