I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize