I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize