My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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