I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
