all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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