Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
