I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
