you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize