I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
