i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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