Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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