we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dick very happy bro
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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