Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
