Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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