I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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