Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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