I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
His nipple licking is glorious
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