question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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