Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
