Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
