last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize