I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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