So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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