I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
