What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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