your thong is hanging out like whoa
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
