Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
