ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
