it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize