i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
