At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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