I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
