I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She bit a glass in half.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
