The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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