TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
