First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize