he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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