If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize