do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
