there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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