I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
