he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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