My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
