Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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