Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
