She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
