fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize