oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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