battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
