can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
