it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
