True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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