I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
