I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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