As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize