Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize