it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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