I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize