dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
