she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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