I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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