wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
