Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
babies were throwing up all over the place
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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