I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
