In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
