im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
