"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
