He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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