i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
