So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize