I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize