I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
