I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
