Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
