bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
