my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
