I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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