Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize