and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
