I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize