Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
