Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Argyletuba hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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(720): View more from Colorado

how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.

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(408): View more from California

You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."

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(402): View more from Nebraska

i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.

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(765): View more from Indiana

My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith

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(313): View more from Michigan

His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.

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