Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
