i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
