Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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