Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
