It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
