she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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