I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
