I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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