I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
